I did it. I took a leap of faith and I quit my job.
I know you must think I’ve totally lost my mind. With the economy the way it is and the unemployment rate rising, why on earth would I give up my job? The answer is simple: I had to make a change.
Many years ago, I was diagnosed with depression but I refused to accept it. I didn’t follow through with therapy nor did I get treatment. Honestly, I didn’t want to admit that I was weak and couldn’t handle something on my own.
But as time passed, my symptoms grew worse. I couldn’t sleep through the night, I was having trouble concentrating and I couldn’t remember things that had just happened only moments before. My faith had all but disappeared and I didn’t believe in my future or my dreams anymore. I had gained a lot of weight. I was overly tired. Not so much sleepy, though that was becoming my favorite past-time, but more fatigued to a point that I had no energy at all. There were days where just getting out of bed and walking to the bathroom was about all I could muster. I felt sick all the time. I was emotional, crying over the littlest of things. Migraines were happening almost once a week. I didn’t want to leave the house and I started missing work more often. I was depressed and there was no denying this time.
If there is one thing I’ve learned it’s that I can’t change anyone else, but I can certainly change my perception. It was then that I came to terms with the fact that depression doesn’t portray me as vulnerable or weak. It doesn’t mean that I’m a misfit or irreparably damaged. These were all stigmas I had given to myself. Unfortunately, these are also stigmas that much of society doles out when mental disorders and disease come up, but I wasn’t going to let that influence me any longer.
I found a great therapist and have learned so much from her. Though my mood swings weren’t happening as often and the stress management techniques were helping keep the migraines away, nothing else was changing. Matter of fact, my desire to sleep was increasing and the feeling of wanting to close myself away from the world was becoming stronger. We were hitting walls at every turn.
Then one day during a session I said “Something has got to give. I’m not happy. I’m stressed out. I’m tired. I can’t keep doing this.” Life is far too short to live every day in misery. I wanted happiness and laughter in my house again.
Thanks to a bit of prodding by my therapist, I realized I had just made a break through. I couldn’t keep doing the same things and expect different results. Just because I was in therapy, didn’t mean a fix was going to magically appear. I had to actually make some changes. So I took stock of what was important to me, what my goals were, and what I needed to let go of. It was sort of like spring cleaning my life.
I needed time to focus on me and take care of my mind, body, and soul. I needed to get myself in a better place. I wanted to focus on our home which I had neglected, get back in shape, and and eat better. But I also wanted to continue writing, which had taken a major hit from my depression as well. There was only one thing stopping from doing all this, my job. The hours I was working and the commute, plus my husband working a different shift so we weren’t seeing much of each other, was making my job one of the biggest sources of my stress. Overall, it just wasn’t worth the toll it was having on me. So, after paying off a few bills I turned in my resignation letter.
I’m starting to see some changes now. I have hope again and I don’t feel overwhelmed by my life. I’m making plans and getting organized. My energy level is growing and my moods are leveling out. I don’t have a headache every morning when I wake. My depression isn’t gone, I still have days that are harder than others. I won’t be quitting my therapy any time soon but at least I know I’m on the right path because my faith is returning and so is my determination to chase my dream.
There will be challenges along the way – what’s life without those? But I’m ready to face them this time because with a little hard work, I’ve learned to let go and placed myself in the hands of a greater power. Something I should have done a long time ago.
I’d love to hear about your experiences too. Have you ever been in a place where you had to make change? Have you ever taken that leap of faith?
Bravo for doing what you needed to do! I’ve been off work for 2 months, I am trying to make a go of writing full time. I am the sole support so it’s been difficult. But I am getting a lot of writing done and I am happier. Now if only the writing would start to pay!
Kathleen,
Happiness is key! It make take a little while to get where you need to be, but don’t ever give up. As writers our career path can be a rugged one, but I think the support system this group offers helps tremendously.
Good luck with your writing and I hope things pick up soon for you!
Jennifer
I’m glad you’re making the changes to help you overcome the depression, Jennifer. While I haven’t taken a leap of faith like you have, I have had to deal with depression a few times during my life. I try to ignore it, just like you did (I just called mine burnout). But eventually you just have to admit it and do whatever is necessary to get back to a normal place. I’m glad you’re taking those steps. 🙂
Kristy,
Yes, burnout is a familiar term to me. Every time I experienced burnout, I would take a few days off and try to relax, but I never came fully back. It was as if a part of myself stayed behind. That happened one too many times I guess, and I felt completely lost and unsure of who I’d become.
It was scary to make the leap, it really was. The doubts flooded me, but once I did it I knew it was the right way to go.
Thank you for your encouragement!
Jennifer
good for you! I’m envious! I’m just going part time in December, but it’s a start. 🙂 good luck!
Teresa,
Unfortunately my job doesn’t have part-time positions. But that’s okay with me. My husband has been doing most of the cooking lately so now I get to remind him of how good I can be in the kitchen! lol!
Good luck to you as well. I hope that soon you will be able to make that final step and join me in the full-time writers world! 😀
Jennifer
Thank you for sharing such a personal story. It is very inspiring. I am making this year about taking care of myself & working toward my goals.
Emma,
Good for you! I’ll be right there with you setting goals and pampering myself with exercise and a better diet. Taking care of ourselves tends to get lost in the hustle and bustle and overwhelming demands of our daily lives. It is very important that we take time out from all that and actually live for ourselves.
Good luck to you!
Jennifer
Brave, brave woman. As women we tend to make everyone and everything a priority over ourselves. Evaluating your life and priorities is something we women tend to forget to do. You go girl! Take back your life. Find your center and hang onto it!
Lynette,
All my life I’ve put everyone else first. I kept drawing people in my life that wanted from me, not for me and I let them. Now I have a husband that just wants me to be happy. Whether it is family, friends or significant others, a good support system is amazing for helping us stay on track.
Taking my life back and finding my independence from depression – yes, that is exactly how it feels!
Thank you!
Jennifer
I too have wrestled with the demon depression for much of my life. I have been there, my friend, and I agree. “Life is far too short to live every day in misery.” I love this, it would make a great mantra. Sixteen years ago I took a leap of faith. I left a 26+ yr marriage and ran off with my best friend. We have been together since and are deliriously happy. Our home is filled with love, laughter, and each day is a new delight. Do not give up the fight, you can reach happily ever after.
Prudence,
I’m so happy that you were able to make that leap of faith in your life and find the so much joy!
My husband is my best friend and he has been wonderful with me throughout this time. We are both looking forward to what the future holds. The smiles and laughter are happening more and more often now and that sets us both at ease. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. It further proves to me that I’m on the right path!
Jennifer
I don’t think you’ve lost your mind at all. I understand where you’re coming from completely. I got to the point in my last job where I would stay awake all night dreading the alarm clock because I knew what it meant: I’d have to go into work. And I’d feel sick while driving into work.
I think there are more people who feel the way you do than are willing to admit it. Society tells us that we should pick a career when we’re 18 and work hard at it our entire lives until we turn 60 and can retire and live the good life. But not everyone is meant to work the same job day in and day out forever. I know I’m not built that way. I like to do things for a little while, then move on. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It took me awhile to see it. Right now, I’m enjoying writing and I hope to make that my next full-time job.
The Declaration of Independence has a key phrase that often gets quoted, but I think few actually pay attention to it: “Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” We need to pursue what makes us happy, not what makes other people happy. Working a dead-end job that you hate satisfies none of your unalienable rights. All it does is make you miserable. Kudos to you for taking that step, and I hope to be right behind you soon. 🙂
Samantha,
You are so right! Not everyone is the same, and we each have the right to pursue whatever it is that makes us happy.
I love that you mentioned the Declaration of Independence because that’s what I felt like I have been doing – reestablishing my independence.
I hope will join me soon in the ranks of full-time women writers! 🙂
Thank you for your encouragement and understanding.
Jennifer
I don’t think you have lost your mind. I think you are very smart and very brave. You are trusting your instincts in order to build a better life for yourself – and that in turn will benefit everyone else in your life.
I quit my job two years ago to focus on my family and my writing. While I am still not earning much money, I am much happier and I’ve never doubted it was the right decision.
I was diagnosed years ago with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and while it is a much different disease than depression, I DO understand what it’s like to feel out of control and miserable every day. Taking care of yourself and trusting yourself is the only way out.
The stigma that society places on mental illness is difficult, but every time someone like you shares her story, the stigma lessens. So THANK YOU for taking that step! You’ve inspired me to perhaps share my own story one day. Maybe even soon.
Julie,
I think we all have an inner voice that tells us when we are making the right decision, but so many times we all our doubts and fears take over and we ignore that voice. This time, I listened!
I agree that the stigmas lessen every time a story is shared. I’ve toyed around with the idea of sharing the struggles I’ve faced with depression many times. I know its something that others can relate to on some level – even if they don’t want to admit it. I didn’t want to come across as complaining or whining about my woes – which I had been told I was doing when I tried to talk to a former friend about it once. Just another stigma placed in my head by outside influences. Its a matter of breaking free from the stigmas and fear in our own perceptions that give us the strength to reach out to someone else and offer the encouragement they need to see things through.
Thank you for your support!
Jennifer
Jennifer, your voice shines through here loud and clear. Thank you for sharing so much about yourself and your struggles with depression. I think the only way we can start to challenge the stigma around mental disorders and disease is for people to speak out against those stigmas, and you do so wonderfully here. Many hugs to you; I know that it’s a process, and that some days are harder than others, but know that you have lots of people here cheering you on. 🙂
Thank you so much Lena! I was a little nervous about posting this as it is more of a personal issue.
But the encouragement and support of my WANA friends has made this a much easier process!
Thanks again!
Jennifer
Jennifer, congratulations on taking a leap of faith. For years, I worked at a job that sucked the life out of me and I stayed there because I thought that’s what I supposed to do. I’ve been off work for a year and a half now and I love it and wish I’d done it much sooner. Your post is beautiful and reminds us all that there is more than one path to follow and we must follow the one that makes us happy. Sometimes we have to sacrifice other things for the happiness but in the long run, it’s worth it. 🙂
Sheila,
The sacrifices I have made have definitely been worth it. I’m actually excited about the potential of my future now. There are many paths and now I get to choose which ones I want to go on.
Thank you!
Jennifer
It’s great that you can honor the changes that need to be made. There have been times in my life, where I ignored that need, only to make myself sick, both physically and emotionally. Making the change is such a huge step!! 🙂
Hi Coleen,
It took me awhile to realize that getting sick was my body’s way of telling me it had had enough. The less I paid attention to my needs, the more I felt sick. After feeling sick for several weeks on end, I knew something more was going on. It was hard making the changes, but definitely worth it!
Thanks for stopping by!
Jennifer
Very courageous of you. It takes a lot to decide that you are going to do something that might be painful, or incomprehensible to others, for your own higher good. Keep walking your path!
Wow, Jennifer, awesome post. How well I can relate to what you’ve gone through, only I never wised up enough to quit my job. Nope, I worked at a stressful job for 25 years (court reporter) and was only able to do it by working part-time. Quitting wasn’t even an option. We needed the money. Then the stress got so bad when other life problems added to it that I ended up with panic disorder and was forced to quit working. The financial strain sucks. We’re probably going to lose our house. If it wasn’t for the housing bubble, we’d be able to just sell it, but it’s so upside down, that’s not possible. But looking back, I see what a blessing it was that I had to quit my job. Too bad I didn’t take that leap of faith like you did. Yay for you! And kudos to you for sharing your story with us. You’re in good company, believe me! I wish you all the best. Have a great Thanksgiving!
I too took the leap of faith and quit my job four months ago. Similarly to you I was having crying spells and general malaise etc. The first big clue for me was I cried all the way through the movie Julia and Julie. The second huge clue was when I wanted to leave the city and drive to a city a hour away so I didn’t have to go to work! Didn’t do it but boy was I ever tempted! Never would I ever have thought of doing that at any other time of my life. It took me a lot of reading and introspection to realize that my job was burning me out. Currently I am taking time to take classes that will help me find the correct direction for my life and prepare me for the work I would like to do. I am applying for jobs but am more particular about what I am applying for. Time will tell if this was the best decision. It causes it’s own stress somedays but I am slowly healing from the mess that I was in. That in itself has made it worth it. Thanks for the post.
Noreen,
I’m still getting used to my “jobless” state but I agree that it does carry its own stress, at times. Of course, I am a “worrier” so I could probably find things to worry about even if life was ideal. lol! Healing is a process and I had plenty of time to neglect myself, so I’m sure it will take just as long to undo the damage. I try hard to look at things from a positive perspective now, instead of the “oh my goodness, what if…” thought pattern I used to have. I tend to find solutions more quickly looking at life that way.
I’m glad to see that you were able to make the changes necessary for your happiness. Finding the proper job fit is very important. You won’t be happy in a career, otherwise.
Good luck in your pursuits!
Jennifer
I have dealt with bipolar disorder since early teens, but was not diagnosed until early 30’s. By my forties, I was told that I would not work again due to my mental health and was placed on disability. In 2008 I was diagnosed with cancer and began spirally into depression again. Because of the chemotherapy, my doctor was unable to increase my meds (as she normally did when the swings fluctuated severely). Faced with the prospect of dealing with cancer treatment AND severe depression, I began calling out to God LOUDLY. I began a journey through the Scriptures, learning everything about the mind. I knew 2Tim 1.7 – “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind” (KJV); so I knew that God had the answers to how I would get a sound mind. I now turn to the Lord, asking Him to show me where my thinking has veered from His path of a sound mind for me. Usually within a few days of prayer and deliberate choices to change the way I am thinking; my depression begins to lift. I have been medication free for over a year now (still under doctor’s care). Thanks be to God for His gentle mercies.
Rita,
I’m so glad that you are on the road to better health. Amazing what our faith can do, isn’t it?
Thank you for sharing your story here.
I wish you the best!
Jennifer
Thank you for sharing your powerful message. I had to do the same thing some years ago. Your post reminded me of how bad things can get in my life before i’m willing to take the plunge and take care of me.
The most important lesson I learned is that ‘this too will pass’ if I take action to let it go. good luck – it’s so important to put ourselves on the list of importance. Well done.
It’s so awesome you’re taking these steps. Well done!
When we don’t take the time to do for ourselves, it can really do some damage. I’ve learned it’s okay to do for others, but we must make sure we are taking care of ourselves in the meantime.
Thank you for the encouragement!
Jennifer
You are very brave, and stronger than you realise to take such a leap of faith, and good for you. I commend you and also for sharing. Welcome to the world of writing. Look forward to reading your blogs and getting to know you.