Kennan’s Diary
I’m writing this so that years from now, when the pieces of our world have been put back together, people will know what happened. They will know what we had to go through just to survive.
Entry 1:
My name is Kennan O’Malley. I’m fifteen years old and I live in a compound that my Dad built to keep us safe. I’m not even sure what day it is anymore. I just know that its been a long time since my life was normal. But I guess none of that exists anymore, my old life. How things are now is my new normal. I suppose I should start at the beginning, so you’ll understand.
Everybody thought my Dad was crazy. Especially me. He used to keep duffel bags full of guns, ammo and food supplies in our hall way closet. He insisted on teaching me and my brother, Donovan, how to shoot. He even took us hunting and fishing with him. His friends used to joke him to his face. They called him a redneck and a survivalist. They used to say he was preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse or something.
Turns out my Dad wasn’t crazy. Somehow, he knew the world was going to fall apart and he did what he had to in order to protect his family. All those people who laughed at him, they’re probably dead by now.
January 26, 2012 @ 10:05 PM
Interesting! More!
January 26, 2012 @ 10:13 PM
Thanks Melinda!
January 26, 2012 @ 10:26 PM
…can’t wait to see how it develops, Jennifer! 🙂
January 27, 2012 @ 9:42 AM
Me too, Myndi!
I’m such a pantser sometimes. Totally hate plotting so I tend to let the story come to me the way it wants.
Such bad habits I have. lol!
Thanks for stopping by!
January 26, 2012 @ 11:57 PM
Hi Jennifer,
I love the voice you’re capturing here, and I think it’s a great fit for YA. I’m not sure if that’s what you’re going for with the writing, but I definitely think you’re capturing the spirit and world-view quite well.
Only one thing stood out for me as far as constructive criticism goes, and it’s tiny-tiny, but I feel it might help.
“Somehow, he knew that the world was going to fall apart and he did what he had to in order to protect his family.”
I sense that if you cut the word “that” from the line, it fits more closely to the 15-year old age of the character you’re creating.
“Somehow, he knew the world was going to fall apart and he did what he had to in order to protect his family.”
See what I mean? It’s so tiny – and it’d likely come up at the editing stage, anyhow – but perhaps if it’s flagged now, it might help you stay true to the voice. “That” tends to show up in more formalized language.. and is often unnecessary!
What do you think? Does it fit with what you’re looking for?
Keep up the good work!
Paul
January 27, 2012 @ 9:45 AM
Paul,
Oh my, you just made my day! 🙂
Yes, YA is what I was aiming for but I was worried that I wasn’t quite capturing the voice. My kids are grown up now so its been awhile since I’ve had a teenage lot running around my house. Though admittedly it is much quieter now. haha!
I definitely see what you are saying about eliminating “that” from the sentence. It is tiny but it makes a huge difference in the reading.
Thank you so much for the suggestion. I really appreciate it!
Jennifer
January 27, 2012 @ 1:57 AM
OK..you’ve got me hooked. More, Please !!
January 27, 2012 @ 1:00 PM
I’m curious to read more too!!
January 29, 2012 @ 2:06 AM
I love it Jennifer! I am anxiously awaiting more. 😀
January 29, 2012 @ 9:00 AM
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February 2, 2012 @ 5:26 PM
Great start to a story that has such potential. More….
August 22, 2012 @ 2:37 PM
Sounds like a best seller to me…..